What you doin?... Bullshitting

Its true... People change.. Some people change.. others never change, and they just get worse. I was a supreme bullshitter. Its how i lived. I manipulated people, I learned everything i could about you, then attacked... I knew exactly where to hit to hurt people the most. I took advantage of people.

But when i grew up. (funny how i actually grew up over the span of a couple months,lol)It took years to corrupt me, but only a couple months for me to grow out of my bad habits. And im so glad that i did.

You see, when i grew up i realized that manipulation and snaking was not necessary to get the things you want out of people, or out of life as a whole. I realized that you can get everything you want, by being kind and sincere.

I learned that a bullshitter is only bullshitting himself in the end. I wanted to be a flawless bullshitter. I didnt want to be a lying bullshitter. My method was not to lie, but to instead... Manipulate the truth. But I discovered that you cant be a bullshitter without telling some lies along the way. In addition to lying to the people around me. I was lying to myself. The worst part about it all, is that i was believing the lies I told. I believed that i was doing some good. I believed that i was getting ahead somehow. But in reality, i was digging a hole, i was reversing everything my mentors ever taught me. And i brought others down with me. 2 people i most regret pulling in my holes were Bridgette and...(yes) Jade.

Ive apologized to Bridgette more times that i can count, but someone i have yet to apologize to with sincerity is Jade. She deserved the truth. Both of us did. But She didnt deserve it the way it was served. It was cruel.

Another thing i realized after I stopped bullshitting myself. was that I am now really at peace. Ive always been at peace (so I thought) Calm cool and collected. But it was a false peace. Just like the false stories i was telling these girls. But once i stopped lying to myself, i am finally at peace and can move to immeasurable heights.

Truth is, over the past couple years i havent done much of anything business wise. I mean, i still trade, and I have pretty good returns from that. But after Little Miracle i tried starting 3 businesses that have ultimately been flops. But since ive grown up even the business side of me has been on the up and up. Starting with New World over the summer. Now with Bean Jordan. Finance has always been my passion so when i stopped bullshitting myself with these wacky ideas that i knew couldnt/wouldnt work i was able to do what i really wanted to do. Im indeed grateful for all that has happened. And even more grateful that that i now see clearly.

Last but not least, I realized that i one day.. someone will see right through the lies and the bullshit. one day someone will look through it all, right into your soul... Then what?

Once a bullshitter.. Not always a bullshitter...