Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Monday, October 1, 2012
Saturday, April 21, 2012
So yeah, school's cool. I guess I've pretty much survived 2 years of college. Thats an accomplishment, considering the fact that i find it 75% useless. I decided to do 18 hours this semester. Wasnt bad at all. As a matter of fact, I'm going to do it again next semester.I'll see how that works out.
Sadly, I feel like I'm just living. Mediocrity is one of my biggest fears. And I've been feeling pretty mediocre. Its killing me.. My health has been declining over the past couple months. Actually I'm pretty sure that I'm losing weight again.. Sucks.
I'm writing my book again. I've changed the plot. Moved some characters around. and now im on my way. I say it all the time but its very true: The only person that would have wanted to read the book the way it was, was me. I'm also working with a literary consultant. She's helping me make it more... "reader friendly".
I've also decided to begin seeing a shrink. Not because I think I'm crazy, or anything. I just wanted someone to analyze me. And perhaps put my thoughts into words. I've always had a problem doing that on my own. You're probably wondering what she says about me? Well after some very long conversations about me, my past, and my life in general. She was able to shed some light on some areas. She says that Im un-genuinely humble. lol. Like, "deep down I know that I'm the shit, but I dont want other people to know that I know, almost as if I'm ashamed of it". I partially agree. I think that sometimes, I do downplay my success, and mentally patting myself on the back at the same time.... She also said that I see myself as being "out of the barrel", a man among boys, separated from the masses. She said that I have a "me and them" kind of mentality, like that of a King. I disagree, i dont feel as if I'm better than anyone else. She said that I see people as things or possessions. Something that can be bought, sold, or traded. She says that this is primarily the reason why my past relationships haven't worked out. According to her, "objects arent meant to be loved, but used. So its difficult for people like me to feel affection for others and show that for long periods of time. She said that as I feel closer to someone, I unconsciously begin pulling back. And once I pull back so far. there is no going back... I'm detached." Within our conversation, she discreetly took a tally on how many times I mentioned my ex and the relationship. I dont remember how many times she ended up with. But it was alot. More than 10. She confirmed that it doesnt necessarily mean that i still have feelings for her. Even so, I cant deny that she was a big part of my life. And her and the relationship were great teachers. I'm glad that she is happy right now. Its good to see. The shrink said that th only way ill be able to be in a healthy long lasting relationship, is if I find someone that cant force me to escape myself? She said that i also have high expectation of myself, that rolls over to my expectations of others. Most people are simply incapable of rising to my expectations. Which is reasonable....... You know.. I like her. I like the whole seeing a shrink thing too. Its nice. I just sit there. Talk. and answers questions. She just sits there, writes, makes comments and suggestions. Thats enough about that.
I'm curious as to what Bridgette is doing with her life....
Umm.. I just walked away from my computer, then came back to finish writin.. and I forgot about what else I wanted to write about.. So be on the lookout for a sequel to this post.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Friday, December 30, 2011
So i just realized that everything I have posted on this blog in the past week or two, wasnt being edited the way it was supposed to be. There were no paragraphs.. But now that i see that, Im working to fix it, and shouldn't be a problem going further.
The events of each episode become material for a video diary Teddy(big sister) is making for her younger sister.