Man.. Ive been sitting around for days trying to figure out how to start this thing, what am i going to say? How? I still dont know how to do it, so im sure there will be alot of jumping around and rambling..
I know you probably dont want to see me, I know you probably dont want to hear my name, I know you put on a smile ad you held your head high. But I also know that youre hurting. I know that I hurt you. I know that you think that you meant nothing to me. I know that you think i probably used you for sex.I know that our realtionship is destroyed, and youll porbably never trust a word a say again, including whats in this post. Yeah I know, but throughout this post, ill admit to everything that I DID do. I mean, I admit that I have done some pretty unorthodox things throughout the relationship but most of that stuff was not true. Just rumors... But I really cant go any longer with this on my chest...If you have any questions, or rumors that need to be cleared, im here, not holding anything back. No more manipulating the truth.
Now I think that I will start with this since it is on my mind. I DID NOT try to talk to Gabby, or "eyebrow girl" as Scarlett would like to call her. I dont know hwere that originated from, i dont know why, personally thats offensive. I mean, shes not that ugly but really?? Why her?
Then the next thing on my mind is the latest. Sara story. Whew.. Here it is..One day I didnt go to school, that was one of my "Personal Days" lol. But coincidently she didnt either. And we agreed to go do something, instead of us both spending the day on the house. I was sort of reluctant to do it, because Kevin had already told me not to mess with her because of her past, (mistake number 1!! I didnt listen to kevin when he gave me advice about a girl!) But I agreed anyway, not thinking. But I got up, threw some clothes on and went to get her. We decided that we'd go grab some starbucks, or catch a movie. But after picking her up, I forgot that I had to take out the garbage before my mom got home. So I stopped there. When puling up in front of my house, i told her that im just going to run up, take the trash out, then ill be right back. But she insisted that she come up with me, becasue she didnt like the neighborhood and was scared. Again, kinda fishy, was kind of reluctant, but again i said Ok... We get upstairs and i tell her to go sit in the living room( i didnt want her in my room, didnt want her to ge to comfy,lol). So i take out the garbage, come back, and she is laying ont he couch (getting comfy??) I say "alright im done letss go". She sits up and says. "ok you should give me a tour"...(like i havent heard that one a million times on TV). Already ahead of the game, i say "ok", I walk halfway down the hall and stand in front of the second bathroom turning in a circle pointing out each room. Then i say "ok lets go" AS I turn around and start walking to the door, I hear her say "o youre a clean freak just like your mom".. I turn around and shes in my room look around and stuff( ok girl, what are you doing?!) So i walk in and advise that we leave... She ignored me... Then fast forward a bit, she starts kissing me, and touching me, and in the back of my mind I see Kevin "David, leave that alone, she fucked bryson".. So then she starts reaching down and sliding down my torso, trying to give me head... (yup that was a no no, i like my penis, id rather keep it ). Thats when i tell her to grab her stuff and we go to school. On the way, she tells me, not to say anything to anyone because she doesnt want people tiniking that shes a hoe(but you are???).. I agree because i really didnt need You to find out, You already didnt trusted me, i didnt want you to have a real reason not to do so... But somehow it got out, and now im going to tell you what really happened. I know you heard something, and she told you something, but she really will say anything to cover her ass. And nobody else can really say what happened becausee they werent there. And now I really dont have anything to lose.
OK next in line is Bridgette, how can i talk about the asian girl without talking about her "best friend". Bridgette and I are just friends, i dont care what people say. I dont care what you see. Looks can be deceiving. I can guarentee that you havent heard Bridgette ever say that we are anything more than friends, because its not like that. I mean, she said that she had a crush on me back in drammar school, but im pretty sure thats faded. Not only that, she has a boyfriend, long time boyfriend. Who am i to come between that. If she didnt have a boyfriend would I be singing a different song now? I doubt it... Kevin gave me the heads up on her, ive learned to just listen to him and trust his judgement on girls so thats dead. Besides, i woudnt get serious with her anyway because she is waaaayy to much like me, in all the WRONG ways! Im ok with that. And no I have no intentions on spending my weekend with her, actually i want to spend it with the guys. I dont know why you think i spend every minute of my free time with her! lol
Im actualy feeling better telling you all this stuff, this is good... So next on the agenda..
You were the only person that ive ever loved. My first and only true love. When someone told me to look at my life and see whats real and whats not in my life, you were only girl that i could say was the real deal. A couple days ago I was sitting in the car with my hat over my face.. And Brandon randomly just sat up and said "you loved the hell out of that girl, but never showed it, you said you did, but I couldnt really tell until it was all over"...This hit me...One of my best friends just really told me off. Im over trying to make excuses for my actions and he just cuts me off and says "why are you bullshitting!?" Then he said "and you know shes right, You may not be talking to bridgette but you do treat her better than youve ever treated Jade"... Agsin.. trying to make excuses .. He cuts me off and say "man you take that girl everywhere! You took jade to your house, and you went out with her a few times, but you were always in a group, when did you ever spend some one on one time with her outside your house?".... Now that I think about it, I really didnt.... Which sucks, he was right...And It took all of this to happen for me to realize how really bad of a boyfriend I was.... BUt like, sitting there, Im over here blaming Sara for everythign that was happening in my life but again, he cut me off "yeah sara snaked you, but its your dirt, you did it!" I mean, i would expect this kind of thing from Menelik, but Brandon really put me out there,brought everything to the light. And for the most part, he was right... I love you to death, but I guess i didnt alway show it, and i guess I do treat my friends better than I did you. Im soooo Sorry. I was wrong, and I can see that.
You gave me your heart and virginity. and I "didnt deserve either"// Ouch..I guess i deserved that though. Im Sorry. And if you could go back to October 24th you would change you answer. Double ouch. Yeah i deserve that too. But honestly, if i could go back, i wouldn't. Well that depends on if I could go back and still know what i know now.
The things that happened, i honestly was thinking of you by not telling you. I didnt want to hurt you. But i later realized that i was doing more damage by not telling you for myself, and letting you hear it from someone else. And again, you have never been replaced, no one ever will. But i know now that i must move on for sure because, youre really gone with the wind now. And there's no coming back.
And menelik couldnt have said it better when he said that "a pussy isnt just a pussy, and if youve had one youve experienced them all" And i never used you for what you gave me. Despite common belief you really do mean alot to me, I just didnt show it very well. And for that, i hope you find better. And probably anything other than me is an upgrade so hey...
Im about to leave, but ill finish this soon..
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