Sunday, February 28, 2010

As it comes to another close....


Im sooo tired!! Thursday.. Class, meeting... Friday... I think i chilled with matt... Saturday... Kicked it with her... Sunday... Chill day... ACtually there is another day to my weekend but nothing is really planned.. So as far as im concerned.. this is the end.....It doesnt seem like i ve done too much this weekend, why am i tired... Let me tell you....

Thursday:
Thursday was so hectic..I had school. Saw her.. "I got some stuff to do after school, you coming".. "Of course"... Who would have known that she'd agree".... So right after school, we went to my house to work on the business plan . Although we ended up just sitting around, watching "keeping up with the Kardashians"... She always has me watching the most homo tv shows.. First the bad girls club now this.. Although, this show isnt that bad, ive found myself watching it a lot more often too...But anywho.. We watched a couple episodes of that, then i had to take Menelik to Sunshine... So we get ready to go, and Dana walks in the door.. And Bridgette comes out the bathroom... Their standing next to each other talking then all you hear is "You all do look alike!!",lol.. I swear, they look like they could be sisters! Its actually extremely weird.. Now when i look at her, i not only see my mother, I see my sister too! (another reason why we'd never get serious!"lol. Anywho, Dana insist that she rides with me to take Menelik. So we all go... I take Menelik, then we ride to Subway.. After subway, bridgette wants some nasty chips.. we get those. then off to the train! We get to the train.. and we're all talking, then i call Dana fat.. and bridgette says... "David!, whyd you call her fat.. she isnt fat.. you could have just said "chunky.. or bigboned".. HAHAHAHAHA!! You should have seen Danas face.. Priceless..Anywho, of course, my mom gets in the car with an attitude... I can change that quick though.. We run back upstairs to get Meneliks bag. then off to sunshine so i can give my lesson on income statements. But first, too McDonalds becasue this genius decides shes hungry now... lol, fun time in McDonalds! But now back to the mission. We get to sunshine.. First we see tenelle, they start talking.. then into the room... You know.. when we are together.. People either have 1 of two reactions... "ugh" or "ooo".. Either "ugh is that your girlfriend?" or "oo you all are cute together, is this your girlfriend".. Yeah well... this was a "ugh" moment... lol... Hilarious! We walk in.. werent even in there for 10 seconds.. then "Ugh, is that your girlfriend?.. taty is hilarious.. And that had bridgette on the edge of her seat the whole time we were there. Good thing Tenelle was there to calm her down while i was working on my plan... So now its time to go... We get out the door.. And shes like "o my god, too many haters! Im never going back there again".. What are you talking about? what were they hating on? "Me!".. And why were they hating on you?.. "Becauae i look better than them"... Well no argument there.. they are all pretty shot... "And i was with you".. Whats that got to do with anything? We arent even together,lol. "So.. they dont know that, and they were mad!! Tenelle told me how they are always on your dick! And i know its true, because, i was sitting there watching them watch you walk around".. Lol, i guess... But by this time... we are at our next stop.. Church! Meeting time!.. We get over to the banquet hall walk in the room.. Get to the table.. Arianna's eyes start bulging out her face..Of course Bro. Byrd speaks to bridgette. because he's met her the last time she came with me... So i introduce her to everyone else.. "Hey everyone.. This is my friend Bridgette".. everyone says hi, except arianna... Whats her issue?.. So the meeting is about to start. I say "you want to sit over here with me, and do your homework, or you want to sit over here..."im fine here, but can i see your phone though?"... Yeah sure.. She's like the only girl ill just give my phone too... Why? Because even though she is the only other person who knows how to bypass my code to get into my text messages...she never goes through my phone... I gave her my phone.. She sat there for 2 hours.. with my phone sitting right in front of her.. and i came back to it... with a couple text messages from a coupe girls. Now most girls, who know how to get into my text messages, would have had my phone, and probably would have went through every message in my phone,"hmm whats going on between them?1".. Nope... Not her..

Yeah thats good and all, but here's another reason why i could never get serious with her.. She knows how to bypass my phone codes! Just like me.. in all the wrong ways! lol.. Im fine with friends though

But back to the story.. The meetings over.. We're leaving.. She says.. "That girl was staring at you, like the whole meeting!"... What? Naw, thats dead.. "whys that?" Thats old, i use to talk to her back in the day, then i start back talkign to jade so i put her on one of the guys, she was with him forever before they broke up, and she is not in the "pass system", and it would be super grimey for me to mess with her, i dont care if she likes me or not... "yeah whatever.. i know that she needed to stop looking at me though"... Girl you always have a problem with these girls that are "staring at me",youre not my girlfriend, dont you have a boyfriend that treats you like dirt, shouldnt you be more concerned about who's staring at him? No i didnt say that out loud.. But i did say "Why do you always notice who's looking at me, and I dont?.. "Becasue its obvious!".. Well how about this one... Alot of people look at me, and honestly, i dont have enough eyes to look back at them all, and you should pick up that same mindset.. "Whatever"... Time to go home.... I take her home, walk her to the door as always.. Hey no tears!, Smiles and laughter! Now thats what i like to see! Back home, to get my stuff, then off to brandons, to do this work..Stayed up until midnight doing that, then to sleep..

Friday:
Friday was weird.. I stayed up all night doing that stuff..And I still had to do my essay! soo i stayed home unitl 7th, doing my essay! Then i get to school, and for soem reason, everyone is looking for me, lol.. Menelik, Matt, Bridgette.. Menelik want to work on the busniess plan, Matt, was just wondering where i was, and somerthing was wrong with Bridgette, but she wasnt actually up for talking about it.. And i really didnt feel like prying it out of her,and I was too tired to care anyway, lol.. So i gave her a hug, and i went to class!

After school.. i went.. grabbed a bite to eat, went home, and went to sleep.. I slept from about 3 30 to 5, when i had to get my mom.. Then when i got home,I had to finish the business plan..So i did that.. then i had to wair on my mother to come back home with the car... finally she gets home about 9 30.. so i go get matt and ryan, i take ryan home, then me and matt go back to his house, to play the game... O O yeah! Then we have another talk about girls and girlfriends and I finally get another guy on my side who says that girls who smoke are not attractive!Everyone else in the group say "man thats sexy, i would love a girl that would be willing to light up with me, and its a great way to bond"... Im sorry, the idea of a girl putting a brown stick up to her mouth and blowing smoke rings out is not attractive!! Its not cute, classy, sexy at all! Quite the opposite! Just like matt said.. Smoking is just one of those things, its like "I don't want my girlfriend to do everything I do"Some things should be left to the guys.... Then ....fast forward.. i go home, sleep.. ..

Saturday:

Now im tired of talking about my weekend, so there will be alot more fast forwarding in this story. I wake up, and im told that im about to go get some breakfst with the fam,. Fast forward.. breakfast turned into Burger King stacker, very sad.. Then back home.. I get a bit more sleep .. then.. ""Venus vs. Mars".. Well only one person has that ringtone... I wake up, not like i can sleep through it anyway, answer, we talk for a minute "you should come over here!", lol.. Hmm? Im not doing anything, "alright, ill be over in a couple hours"... So couple hours come, and im pulling up in front of her house.I call. "Yeah im outside". Ok.. then she comes out to the porch,Yelling at the car.. "I need to talk to you".. So i get out, walk up to the porch," whats going on?"... Then she says, "im on the phone with youre friend sara".... O boy.. what now!? You just stopped being mad about this!...then her mom opens the door. .."David! how are you? Why are you all standing outside, David come on in".. "he doesnt deserve to be in the house right now".. lol, what is this asian girl saying to her? We go up to her room, and she's still not talking to me, shes still talking to the girl. Then her mom yells up stairs and ask me to take her to some shoe store. Sure why not, that give me a way out...So i took her, and was definitely waiting forever!! lol, it was cool though. But as i was sitting there, that girl called me! i almost died.. in a bad way... definitely hung up on her, as soon as her voice was recognized! So we get back to her house. Her mom gets out.. "can you just send bridgette out?. Sure no problem... So after a minute.. She calls. "come in".. Man i have to go.. I go upstairs, and shes like.... laughing... Im confused.. are you mad? What the heck did she say? But by now my mother and sister were blowing my phone up because we were supposed to go to this play, so i left, took them to the play then came back. I was confused.. But in order to keep her lauging, i couldnt leave her alone, then she would start thinking stuff,.... We didnt need that. I had to hurry up and figure out what Sara said, so that i could set the record straight... So i tell her to come out.. Im assumming that she decided to put on some clothes, because i swear it took her forever to come outside. So she finally comes out. gets in the car.. Looks at me and just smiles... Hmm.. Surprising.. lol. So whats up? "nothing, im fine"... fast forward.. go get food.. back to the house.. fast forward through, lots of laughs, and talking, and chris brown,lol. Few hours passed, and before we know it, its like 10, and i get a text from Dana telling me to come pick them up. ok, Time to go bye bye.. She puts back on her shoes.. (no Bridgette, im never going to give you a foot massage, so you can go ahead and give that dream up,lol) We get out the car..I walk her to the door.. We talk for a minute longer.. Then i hug her.. and she says... "i always feel so warm when you hug me"..Weird, youre kind of making this relationship awkward, please stop.. Then I immediately think of Jade for some reason,.... Fast forward... traffic sucks.. i finally get to dana and mother.. play taxi for a minute.. i get home, and thats when i think i texted jade.. I just wanted to talk to her...Then as we talked.. i fell asleep,lol. Sorry about that.

Sunday:

Sunday.. not much happened today, i just.. chilled...slept, ate.. was suppssed to go out.. but just didnt feel like it.. fast forward... Time to sleep,lol.. I told you that there will be alot of fast forwarding towards the end..lol.. Maybe ill say more later...







Friday, February 26, 2010

So which are you?


The human mind behaves as if it were divided into two parts, the Thinker and the Prover.

The Thinker can think about virtually anything. History shows that it can think the earth is suspended on the back of infinite turtles or that the Earth is hollow, or that the Earth is floating in space; comparative religion and philosophy show that Thinker can regard itself as mortal, as immortal, as both mortal and immortal (the reincarnation model) or even as non-existent. It can think itself into living in a Christian universe, a Marxist universe, a scientific-relativistic universe – among many possibilities.
The thinker can think himself sick, and can even think himself well again.

The Prover is a much simpler mechanism. It operates on one law only: Whatever the Thinker thinks; the Prover proves.

If the Thinker thinks that the sun moves around the earth, the Proves will obligingly organize all perceptions to fit that thoughts; if the Thinker changes its mind and decided the earth moves around the sun, the Prover will reorganize the evidence.

If the Thinker thinks “holy water” from Lourdes will cure lumbago, the Prover will skillfully orchestrate all signals from the glands, muscles, organs, etc. until they have organized themselves into good health again.

Of course, it if fairly easy to see that other people’s minds operate this way; it is comparatively much harder to become aware that one’s own mind is working that way also.

It is believed, for instance, that some men are more “objective” than others. Businessmen are allegedly hard-nosed, pragmatic and “objective” in this sense. A brief examination of the dingbat politics most businessman endorse will quickly correct this impression.

Scientists, however, are still believed to be objective. No study of the lives of the great scientists will confirm this. They were as passionate, and hence as prejudiced, as any assembly of great painters of great musicians.

In the long run, we are hopefully approximating closer and closer to “objective Truth” over the centuries.

In the short run, Orr’s law always holds:

“Whatever the Thinker thinks, the Prover will prove.”

By: Prometheus Rising






Wow!


A well-heeled Philadelphia school district gave out laptops to students—then used the webcams attached to covertly spy on them, both at school and at home, according to a class-action lawsuit. The case, Blake J. Robbins v. Lower Merion School District, was filed after one of the school’s vice principals disciplined Robbins’ son for “improper behavior in his home,” using a photo taken from the camera as evidence, according to the filing.

The laptops were issued to 1,800 students at three high schools in the district, each with a built-in webcam that, according to the lawsuit, administrators can activate remotely and covertly. The suit is a class action, brought on behalf of all the students and their parents. They’re seeking damages for invasion of privacy, theft of private information, and unlawful interception and access of electronic information.

by: newser.com




Quote of the Day








Whats your reflection?


I just thought about the concept, what if there were no mirrors? No reflections. No cameras to take pictures.

If we walked around, never knowing how we “looked,” would there be such an emphasis on the physical? On the material?

Would we be more inclined to work on enhancing our inner selves versus our outer shells?

Would how a person looks even matter, or would that concept be so trivial and unevolved? In this time, this reality of ours, as a collective, we spend most of our time –days and nights– focusing on enhancing everything on the outside, and barely any significant time on what’s inside…that which, from a universal perspective, in an ethereal sense, is what really has any relevance.

Can people really even let go of the material? If that didn’t exist for them, I wonder what would? What would people have if you took away all that centers around this outside, illusory, existence? If money, clothes, and cars no longer determined status. If beauty was no longer gauged by the physical self. Magazines would go out of business. Beauty products, clothing stores, gyms, etc.

What if the standard was how deep one connected with their self, and how in-tune an individual was with the collective consciousness of the universe. Or what if music and other forms of entertainment aided in expanding and attaining a higher level of consciousness, versus having us thinking about chasing paper, sex, violence, and infidelity. Or if it actually united man and woman, over continuing to erode the male/female connection.

Are we just pawns in this world? Are we that weak that we allow others to determine what we deem to be of value, of significance? Are we that stupid to allow these forces to continue to divide us? To keep our souls imprisoned and our minds in constant states of want, like little children and their developing egos. Adults are no different, swayed by the media, by entertainment, by money, showing them what they should be looking like, smelling like, how they should be living, what they should be wearing, and just as children we look, eyes wide open, for others to tell us what is cool, what we should be doing, and then make moves accordingly, doing our best to act out that role, redefining our egos every time, buying into the bullshit, literally and figuratively. Just eating it all up. And in the end, we feel so empty.

Is that you?

Don’t look in the mirror.

“What’s your Soul’s reflection?”

——
Jessica Mann




The Heros Journey


The privilege of a lifetime is being who you are.
What you have to do, you do with play.
Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it.
The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be.

Being alive is the meaning.

The warrior’s approach is to say “yes” to life: “Yea” to it all.

Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world.
We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy.
When we talk about settling the world’s problems, We’re barking up the wrong tree.
The world is perfect. It’s a mess. It has always been a mess.

We are not going to change it.
Our job is to straighten out our own lives.
We must be willing to get rid of the life we’ve planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us.

The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come.

If we fix on the old, we get stuck. when we hang onto any form, we are in danger of putrefaction.
Hell is life drying up. The Hoarder, the one in us that wants to keep, to hold on, must be killed.
If we are hanging onto the form now, we’re not going to have the form next.
You can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs.

Destruction before creation.

Out of perfection nothing can be made. Every process involves breaking something up. The earth must be broken to bring forth new life. If the seed does not die, there is no plant.
Bread results from the death of wheat. Life lives on lives. Our own life lives on the acts of other people.
If you are lifeworthy, you can take it. What we are really living for is the experience of life, both the pain and the pleasure.
The world is a match for us. we are a match for the world. Opportunities to find deeper powers within ourselves come when life seems most challenging. Negativism to the pain and ferocity of life is negativism to life.

We are not there until we can say “Yea” to it all.

To take a righteous attitude toward anything is to denigrate it. Awe is what moves us forward. As you proceed through life, following your own path, birds will shit on you. don’t bother to brush it off. Getting a comedic view of your situation gives you spiritual distance. Having a sense of humor saves you. Eternity is a dimension of here and now.

The divine lives within you. Live from your own center.

Your real duty is to go away from the community to find your bliss. The society is the enemy when it imposes its structures on the individual.
On the dragon there are many scales. Every one of them says “Thou Shalt.” Kill the dragon “Thou Shalt.” When one has killed that dragon, one has become The Child.
Breaking out is following your bliss pattern, quitting the old place, starting your hero journey, following your bliss. You throw off yesterday as the snake sheds its skin.

Follow your bliss.
______

-Joseph Cambell




Kayne West's New Blog


Kanye has a new blog up, So for all those who follow it, heres the link.

www.kanyewest.com,





Looong couple days....


boy am i tired, i have had the longest two days ever. Good days though Elaborate after i cover all the regular blog stuff.





Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Dual Message- J and B

Well im going to comment on two statements made by tow people today. You all knwo who you are, actually ,, you probably know who eachother are as well!

The nice guy prince charming trick:
Ok look, there are nice guys on earth, no doubt. and it is true that every guy can be the nice guy, if put in place with the right person.
The Counterfeit:
Well here we have a girl that just got out of relationship(open door). The guys walks in and is a friend to this girl. Now that the guy is in, he is really nice to her, and the girl is open, so she just spills out everything, she may cry, and she most likely will tell all, the good and the bad, and most times she will throw in all the things she wanted and didnt get out of the relationsip. Now the smart guy, wil then temporarily become this "prince charming" for the girl. He will for some reason, be all she ever dreamed of. Playing the rebound, is the easiest role ever, and the easiest way to a girls heart. Yes, i have seen it happen, and yes i have played this game. OK so, some say that im just mad that you are falling for this guy, but no. Im not, im being a friend, i know that youre over me, so, i mean, its not like i have anything to lose or gain from this advice. But like you told me.. "be careful", i know, im a guy, but im smart, i know my limit, and i know a green light, and i know a red light disguised as a green light. So i think im good, besides, until i find a real girl, im in kevins pool. But my advice to you, Be careful, looks can be deceiving. Like i know you are starting to really like him, i know he is really nice to you ,and it seems like he is always there. And just because, he'll drop anything to come sit and wioe your tears, does not make him prince charming.Be weary of the teenage male. And im sure youre being hit by a bunch of guys that have been trying for the past year to get in. From my personal observations over the year. i say that the ones that will on your penis. Mike, Branden, and Dmario. These three individuals will waste no time. I mean, you can tell me that bull about how Branden is your "brother", yeah right. He has been trying to have sex with you for forever. ANd i know that there has always been something there. Mike, he's "prince charming" right now. ANd Dmario, well i dont have a story about him.


Ok B your turn.

Ok, so... Crying at school again i see. Not becasue of something i did or didnt do. But now its the same thing as last year. Because of him. You said that you wanted to talk to me, but you werent sure if you should. So i brought you along with me and the guys as we did some shoe shopping. Cool. And on the ride, you talked to me, and told me pretty much everything. I was jokingly saying that you were "crying becasue he didnt want to talk to you", (low key that was half the truth),lol. But you said that you were crying becasue he said "that he had something to tell you, but didnt really want to say it, and you start making up stuff in your head about what it could be, you said that you thought he had fallen for someone else, and was going to break up with you. And while we sat in the mcdonalds parking lot, i told you that he wouldnt leave you. You asked how i knew, and i told you that i knew becasue i was a guy, i may not be the same guy, I may not look like him or have the same background, but i have a penis, im a teenager, and im in high school. A guy will never leave a guaranteed thing, for a "maybe". He wont leave you , for a girl that he is cheating on you with, unless she is like absolutely amazing. And i just cant see it happening. And as we sat in the nike factory, i looked at you and i saw you making that face you always make when you are holding something in, I grabbed your chin,and saw that your eyes were red. I told you exactly what i told vivian back when anthony use to make her cry all the time. I stared you in the eye, and said "you wont shed another tear over this guy,because the only guy worth your tears, wont make you cry". I wiped your eyes, then you smiled and stood up. Then you killed my niceness when you looked at me the way you did.And i had to go back to being normal. You looked at me like you do when you begin breaking rule #1. You doubt me. So i say " easier said than done?"... Yeah..lol. But itll be cool. I promise..





Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Good times with the guys...

The convos with the guys are cool. It seeems like everything is happpening.. all at the same time. One of us just got out of a relationship, one of us is stuck in a relationship, one of us is dating our mother, one of us is just living the high life, and the other one is in love with another girl other than his girlfriend...Whew...

I was just talking to matt the other day about how we were tired of easy girls. He feels my pain. HIs last girlfrie,d just through herself at him, and had sex with him in 2 days? Thats not the kind of girlfriend I want. If i never talk to you a day in my life, until one day you look decent, and you invite me to hang out. 9 times out of 10, i will send you off! Easy isnt really attractive to me, i had the perfect opportunity to do whatever i wanted with the easiest girl on earth, but I was not going. Like, ill talk to an easy girl. We can chill. But there is no way in hell, im having sex with you. Thats just not how it works. Like i always say, "i like my penis, id rather keep it... Clean"...

Then matt and I were discussing.. "wifeys"... Of course he had the usual comment about Bridgette calling her my girlfriend. He was saying "hmm, shes hot, keep her around, but if you dont want her, ill take her"... I say good luck, id never get serious with her anyway, she has a boyfriend and I know how she is. He says " o what does that mean, you cant take her from her boyfriend?".... No Matthew, if i wanted her, i could have her, and so could anyone else, not only that.. a very sneaky, manioulative, asian girl made one very true statement "if someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you"... sad but true.... I know the stuff she has done, I could never get serious with a girl like that. She's all over the place.. I mean, yeah, my mother is all on her balls most days, and wants me to take her to prom. But like Silas and I was saying.. If i took her to prom, she'd be all over the prom. I cant be seen with someone like that. Please... But anywho.. back to girls these days.. If youre telling me that youre in love with me, after just chlling for a few weeks. That is a problem, yeah i know im the bestest and all, but come one now. How many times have you told how many people that you loved them. Defininte no no..

BUt despite common belief, I dont mess with easy girls, they do not appeal to me. My main man Kevin made a very interesting comment when he was high once. "girls these days are nasty". They really are, really nasty, and really horny. Im honestly afraid to stick my penis in anyone but Jade(i have my doubts about her sex partners, but still, i think she's a safe choice). But since that will probably never happen again, ill happily be celibate along with Kevo. So the rumors can go ahead, and circulate, and people can keep asking me questions. Ill gladly admit to what ive done. But at no point, will i say i did something that i didnt.




Sunday, February 21, 2010

This Weekend...

The weekend started off pretty bad, but as time went on ... it was on the up and up... Unfortuantely, the climax was friday so the rest of the weekend was... just ok.... And it ends in a few hours, still thinking.. But soon ill have to face Kenwood

Friday:

Friday was cool, went to school, same ole same ole... Then picked up my mother, same ole, same ole... At school that day i made plans to hang out with a few friends... Sort of kid napped menelik to come along, and it began terrible! Drove around in a bunch of circles, and heard a bunch of I told you so's from Menelik. Crazy. But as time went on, dropped some people off at home, and the night went on... At the end of the day.. We just spent our evening hanging out with some really cool girls. Not a bad night. And it never is with these people. Im going to have to say that this was one of the best fridays i have had since about 2 months ago, when i hung out with Jade...

Saturday:

Saturday, woke up from a nap basically. Went to sleep at 5:45, had to wake up at 7, to get the car back to my mother and grab a bite to eat. Fortunately i woke in a great mood. When i woke up, oddly, i wasnt tired, not sure if it was because i was surrounded by some really cool people, or if it was just because the sun was shining and it was a good day... Maybe a combination of the two. I got home, got a good talking to by mother, whatever. then went to the urban league, and witnessed kenwood academy take home the Investors Cup for Winning the 2010 Business Plan Competition, Congrats to them again. Then Went shopping, although i wasnt really in the mood to do so.. it was cool though. Then got home, got a couple more hours of sleep, then i woke up to "Venus vs Mars", who could that be?! Yeah its only her, and i keep forgetting not to answer the phone. Of course she calls again with an attitude (why call if you dont want to talk to me, stop playing the games). So i got up, aftre 2 hours of sleep , to go talk to that Rudy( really starting to irritate me). But anywho, I got over there.. She gets in the car, we talk about our day. Then she says "hey wanna go to the movies tonight". Sure why not..She gets this big kool aid smile on her face, ok whatever.. "I have to bring my brother too, and its going to take me like 5 minutes to get ready"... Well lucky for me, i know that when she puts a time limit on how long it will take her to get ready, i should just mentally multiply that by 3 or 4, and make that the real time. Ive seen this girl get ready, she changes outfits like 5 times, (does that black boot really look any different than that black boot? They are both black and a boot, and go up your leg pretty much the same length).. But anywho.. As expected 15-20 minutes later she came straggling on out with her little brother. It looks like it took her 20 minutes to put on some heels and let her hair down, FML. Anywho, I need some thinking time,so i hop on the expressway and just drive.. We end up in country club hills. Long story short, we cant watch the movie because her brother is too young, and its past curfew. OK, I have a full tank, and it was my idea to come out here so thats cool. we just go get something to eat, and go back home. She tells her brother to go in the house, and we just sit there. Then i decide to go fill my tank back up. And ask her to ride along. Even though she was tired, she rode along, (I knew she would), Again... still mad about the same thing but doesnt want to admit it, so she is silent.. So we get to 95th and i passt a couple gas stations and eventually i jsut decide that i need to do some more thinking, so i just drive.. I drive all the way to the mall, and turn around, then stop at the gas station. By this time, she's sleep. Figured, Its 10 oclock at night, dark, warm in the car, and im driving 30 mph. Pretty smooth ride. Every once in a while, ill look over at her..And wonder.. " Why are you mad! We arent any more than friends! and when that happened, it happened during a time when i barely noticed you existed. Why do you always look at me when that song plays? What are you thinking? Why do i keep forgetting not to answer the phone when you call? Why do you keep expecting me to read your mind?!" We get to her house, I stop, cut off the car, she wakes up, looks at me, then just sits back and stares out the window...(Want to get out the car now?).. I say "you ready".. she says "yeah".. (so when are you going to get out!!)... After five minutes of just staring out the window, she deceides to get out. I get out, walk her to the door as always. She gets to the door, plays with her keys, looks at me( girl if you dont open this door so i can go back to my car).. She finally, puts her key in the door..... but then she pauses... Im just sitting there like.. (any day now you can open that door! its ok, i wont be mad!!)... All of a sudden, she wipes her eye.. (I know youre not crying!! im sorry, are you sad to be home? or is that allergies!!)... Sucker for tears, i hug her, and luckily, she wasnt crying , just tearing up, and a few tears fell.... But why??! Why the heck are you crying now, whats the problem! Finally.. She talks.. She says that she is hurting right now from what happened, and she doesnt know who to trust anymore. Then she says some other that just.. kind of stunned me...But yeah... Kind of changes things now, but whatever. Now im going to feel bad for not answering. (its ok, ill get over it, lol). Anywho, fast forward, a minute or two,. I hop back in the car. and go home. finally. I get home, she text me "i'll call later if I wake up", im thinking..(please dont wake up!). i go to sleep, and was not waken up! yay me!

Sunday:

Sunday hit me. Everything i was thinking in the car saturday. got amplified and magnified on Sunday. Man i love that girl. Then... i start remaking some CDs, and i come accross a song "holla if ya need me".. At the end of the song, i decided to text her. That was cool, and se;s been on my mind all day. And this song just keeps playing over and over from my TV. It seems to put words to all my true thoughts..Every single word of this song... But what if she doesnt need me anymore.... Im sure she has friends, that can take care of all her needs.. Even the ones that o dont even want to imagine anyone else taking care of,lol.. But yeah, its going to happen, if it hasnt already...I was dying to see her, so i texted her and told her that i was hungry and she should cook. I could have easily got up and made something to eat But i was craving for her,and her easy mac, and peas. Then my mother took the car. I guess it wasnt meant to be. Hmmm, Those songs.. Neverland, ill be there, Love Story.... Holla if ya need me....Sucks... Yeah and to make it all better.. Im listening to the song, and "venus vs mars", begin to play over the song... I looked at the phone, looked bridgettes picture, kindly muted the ringer.. and forgot to answer the phone. Do I feel bad? Not the slightest bit....

I still think about the things we did, the things you said, the times we had. Fun Fun Fun. lol, Ands its all over. No more times.. Just the memories.... I try not to seem like im missing you but.. I do, and its bad... lol. I know you say that you are always going to be here as a friend. But... I dont know...




Holla if you need me...


You know its been a minute since we really kicked it but i just want you to know..


I can't pretend that everythings all good
Nope I can't say that everythings all bad
But I'm gonna say that you be on my mind
How you doin, who you with, where you be at

Girl, we've had our share of ups and downs
But you know that I'm gon' always be around that's fo sho
And you know how we do, how I roll
And remember ain't a damn thing change so

Holla if you need me
You always gon' be my boo
Holla if you need me
You know I still got chu
And if you ever need me to be
What you need girl, I'm free and foreva you can holla at me

So, holla if you need me
You always gon' be my boo
Holla if you need me
You know I still got chu
If you ever need me to be
What you need girl I'm free and forever you can holla at me

I still be thinkin bout the things you do
I still be thinkin bout the times we had
Don't wanna seem like I've be missin you
But I am and damn it's bad girl

Girl, we've had our share of ups and downs
But you know that I'm gon' always be around that's fo sho
And you know how I do, how I roll
And remember ain't a damn thing change so

Holla if you need me
You always gon' be my boo
Holla if you need me
You know I still got chu
And if you ever need me to be
What you need girl, I'm free and foreva you can holla at me

So, holla if you need me
You always gon' be my boo
Holla if you need me
You know I still got chu
If you ever need me to be
What you need girl I'm free and forever you can holla at me

Girl, you can holla at me
Whoa whoa
Girl I really really really wanna let chu know
That I really really really can't let chu go
And even if we never get it back girl you can still come and holla at me [x2]

Holla if you need me
You always gon' be my boo
Holla if you need me
You know I still got chu
And if you ever need me to be
What you need girl, I'm free and foreva you can holla at me [x2]

Girl I really really really wanna let chu know
That I really really really can't let chu go
And even if we never get it back girl you can still come and holla at me


It seems like youre moving on... Well making an effort to do so... I cant really hold you back anymore, you deserved better, you deserve better. Go get it... But as i watch you drift away... And even if we never get back to where we were...I just want you to know that i love you,and that'll never change, and if you ever need anything, i got you... Im only a call away, dont be afraid to ask...






She Aint My Girl- Trey Songz ft. Sammie



I found a CD in my car today and this among other songs have been ringing in my ear all day..




Wednesday, February 17, 2010

All falls down..


From past experiences, i have a really high tolerance for mood swings, attitudes... and tears.

Being the friend I am, I decide to enlighten her about her "best friend"... Good idea... Or not...


So i started to tell her this morning... She was still laughing and smiling, as always. Then i see her again before my 6th period class and she looks alot less happy. She walks up to me and just says "tell me". So I walk upstairs, and tell my teacher that im going to be a little late, but ill still be in class. Of course she just says "grab a pass, so if you get stopped, you dont get in trouble". So i go back downstairs, I see her i say "You want me to tell you? Are you ready?" She says yeah. SO we begin to walk and we eventually stop by the Little Theater stairs, and i tell her everything that was in the post i wrote a few days ago...

Yeah... At first... She looked at me... smiled, and laughed....Then.. She says "i need to go to my locker" , then she just turns around and walks away... At this point im pretty confused?? What just happened? We just came from her locker?... She gets about 10 ft away, and then I grab her and turn her around... Her eyes are blood shot red, and full of tears... I open my arms to hug her and she burst into tears...

I mean, she has called me crying on multiple occasions, and ive seen her tear up in certain situations, but this.... Was a new one, it took me back... Kind of awkward.. I felt myself about to call her "Jade" once or twice. But i didnt.lol

But oddly, after she gained enough strength to hold in some tears for a while. She told me to go to class and not to talk to her ever again. So youre going to walk me up there? "No, go ask Sara to do it". hmmmm? Let me see.. Confused? One... werent you just crying? 2. Are you mad at me because i told you, or didnt tell you soon enough? Or are you mad at her because shes a Snake and you thought she was your friend? hmmm??

Well she calls earlier to night, crying of course.. "Bridgette, stop crying", "(Sniffling) Im not crying, dont talk to me"... Well actually you called me... Soooooo.. lol. Of course i didnt say that, im not that much of an asshole. But as she cries, she says how hurt she is, still not specifying what actually hurt her.. Im going to have to play with my imagination on that one.

But luckily, after about maybe an hour, on the phone, trying to make some jokes, and get her laughing again... She says "I know youre trying to get on my good side, and its not working".. well actually i just wanted you to stop crying, its kind of hard to understand you... Not only do you have a really soft voice, but its extremely hard to hear over your sniffling, and constant tone changes...

She goes to take a bath, calls me back, then re states how much she doesnt want to talk to me? Then why the heck did you call me again? But anywho.. I just sat there, let her ramble, ask me stupid questions... then after some silence for about 5 minutes she says " I need you to stay on the phone with me until I go to sleep".. "Well Bridgette, not only have you been sooo kind to me tonight, but i also have some things to take care of..".. "I dont care... Just.... Don't hang up, OK?"..Ummm.. OK so are you mad at me? or not? First you dont want me to talk to you, then you call me 10 times,and you want to listen to me type on my keyboard until you go to sleep. What was i doing while she was going to sleep? I typed this beautiful blog.

But I still dont know why she got upset in the first place, and to the point where she burst out in tears? And i also dont understand why i should never talk to you again, but then you call me 10 times and expect me to talk? I think im about to sit her and talk to her while shes sleep, and make sure i throw in how much of a retard that she is... Becasue after all that has happened today.. She still refers to Sara as her "friend".... What?!! I told you almost everything! and still... Are you serious? ..

Sooo im over here talking to her.. then all of a sudden... "David Im not sleep"... How long have you been awake? "I couldnt go to sleep, i had too much on my mind".. (well its a fine time for you to be telling me this.. lol.

Well she's awake, and im tired now... So Im about to hang up this phone, and go to sleep... Until tomorrow! I cant believe that I really just sat here and did this.. Ill probably delete it one day, or just move it.. But this was fun.. very entertaining indeed....





Monday, February 15, 2010

Where to now??



At one point in my life, I always knew what to do, i always knew what to say.. I had an answer for everything... But now i sit here with nothing, I dont know what to say, i dont know what to say, and i have no answer for anything....


When looking forward at what my life would be like, i could see a nice house, car, wife, 3 beautiful children.. I saw graduation, prom, college.. But never once did i see this. I never thought "What if", what if I woke up one morning and it was all over. What if she left. What if she was gone. What if.... She never laid her head on mine again, or rubbed my head, or... Anything. What if it all was over....

I remember one day I sat in her basement and held her as she cried in my arms and I said. Ill be there, Ill always be here when you need me, Just call, and I'll be there... But i never once thought.. "what if she never calls"....

I was cleaning my room today,and came accross a few blueprints and a few chapters from my book. I looked at the blueprints and immediately thought about that time when we laid on my bed and discussed what you wanted in the house.. You wanted a dance studio, with glass windows... lol, For your daughter, so she could do what you didnt.. Dance... Im stil going to somehow incorporate a dance studio in the house, once i figure out how to put a glass room in a brick house,lol. Thats why im not an architect.

I accidently pressed play on one of the videos we made.... Boy was that a bad idea... lol. Ill just go ahead and consider that the last time ill ever see you like that. ...

Hmmm. So what now? WHat if she moves on? (too late!)..Ill figure it out. Eventually, Ill have an answer, eventually, ill kow what to say, eventually, ill know what to do... Until then...




Photo by: Nuru Photography




Put Yourself On....


“…everybody has a good idea, nobody wants to put in the work. Don’t tell me what you’re going to do, show me what you’ve done and maybe… finally I’ll write you that check.”

- from HBO’s new show “How To Make It In America”

Nowadays, everyone wants everything given to them.. Everyone wants to be "Put On"...Go out and put yourself on..





Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others…








The American Gangster


"Man I worked for one of the biggest companies in New York City.
He didn't own his own company. White man owned it, so they owned him. Nobody owns me though."

(Your gangster is not defined)
Your gangster is not defined by how low your jeans fall by your waist, but more how your genes stand over his expectations. Never forget where you came from.
(Your gangster)
Your gangster is not defined by how many rocks are in your watch, but rather how many rocks you move while on your watch.
(Gangsters, hustlers, republicans, democrats, pimps and hoes.)
Conservatives, labor, the seller, the buyer, the product, the producer.
(See you are what you are in this world.)
The gangster is absorbed and adored by those that don't understand the laws that govern gangsterment.
(Gangsterment)
Gangsterment allows you to make up your own laws and create brand new words.
Gangster mentality.
(Gangster mentality, an American way created by the white, mastered by the black, and absorbed by the fiends, taxed by the governmentality, charted by
forbes. If you believe in Jay-Z then you too can be a gangster.)
The you too can be a gangster by any means necessary. By any means necessary, by owning that dream. I mean it's a long walk to freedom but, while deep,
deep, deep inside the bush.
(The war on terror screams, damn it feels good)
Damn it feels good to be a gangster.
(To be a gangster swagger is not a must, it's a liability, a cliche, a bad suit, cut the bullshit. You know if it wasn't for this, there would be no that.)
Which we call, the American Gangster.





Sunday, February 14, 2010

Fear of not mattering..



Perhaps you don’t know,
then, maybe you do,
about Stiltsville, and the Village,
(so strange but so true)

where people like we,
some tiny, some tall,
with jobs and kids
and clocks on the wall

keep an eye on the time,
For each evening at six,
they meet in the square
for the purpose of sticks,
tall stilts upon which

Stiltsvillians can strut
and be lifted above
those down in the rut:

the less and the least,
the Tribe of Too Smalls,
the not cools and have-nots
who want to be tall

but can’t, because
in the giving of sticks,
their name was not called.
The didn’t get picked.

Yet still they come
when villagers gather;
they press to the front
to see if they Matter

to the clique of the cool,
the court of high clout,
that decides who is special
and declares with a shout,

You’re classy! You’re pretty!
You’re clever or Funny!
And bequeath a prize,
not of medals or money,

not a freshly baked pie
or a house someone built,
but the oddest of gifts–
a gift of some stilts.

Moving up is their mission,
going higher their aim.
Elevate your position
is the name the their game.

The higher-ups of Stilsville
(you know if you’ve been there)
make the biggest to-do
of the sweetness of this air.

They relish the chance
on their high apparatus
to strut on their stilts,
the ultimate status.

For isn’t life best
when viewed from the top?
Unless you stumble
and suddenly are not

so sure of your footing.
You tilt and then sway,
Look out bel-o-o-o-w!
and you fall straightaway

into the Too Smalls,
hoi polloi of the earth.
You land on your pride-
oh boy how it hurts

when the chic police
in the jilt of all jilts,
don’t offer to help
but instead take your stilts.

Who made you king?
you start to complain
but then notice the hour
and forget your refrain

It’s almost six!
No time for chatter.
It’s back to the crowd
to see if you matter.

- Max Lucado, Fearless
Copyright, Thomas Nelson Publishers, 2009
Used by permission

This parable from Fearless was turned into a children’s book called The Tallest of Smalls.





Saturday, February 13, 2010

OK Here it is.....To Jade...

Man.. Ive been sitting around for days trying to figure out how to start this thing, what am i going to say? How? I still dont know how to do it, so im sure there will be alot of jumping around and rambling..

I know you probably dont want to see me, I know you probably dont want to hear my name, I know you put on a smile ad you held your head high. But I also know that youre hurting. I know that I hurt you. I know that you think that you meant nothing to me. I know that you think i probably used you for sex.I know that our realtionship is destroyed, and youll porbably never trust a word a say again, including whats in this post. Yeah I know, but throughout this post, ill admit to everything that I DID do. I mean, I admit that I have done some pretty unorthodox things throughout the relationship but most of that stuff was not true. Just rumors... But I really cant go any longer with this on my chest...If you have any questions, or rumors that need to be cleared, im here, not holding anything back. No more manipulating the truth.

Now I think that I will start with this since it is on my mind. I DID NOT try to talk to Gabby, or "eyebrow girl" as Scarlett would like to call her. I dont know hwere that originated from, i dont know why, personally thats offensive. I mean, shes not that ugly but really?? Why her?

Then the next thing on my mind is the latest. Sara story. Whew.. Here it is..One day I didnt go to school, that was one of my "Personal Days" lol. But coincidently she didnt either. And we agreed to go do something, instead of us both spending the day on the house. I was sort of reluctant to do it, because Kevin had already told me not to mess with her because of her past, (mistake number 1!! I didnt listen to kevin when he gave me advice about a girl!) But I agreed anyway, not thinking. But I got up, threw some clothes on and went to get her. We decided that we'd go grab some starbucks, or catch a movie. But after picking her up, I forgot that I had to take out the garbage before my mom got home. So I stopped there. When puling up in front of my house, i told her that im just going to run up, take the trash out, then ill be right back. But she insisted that she come up with me, becasue she didnt like the neighborhood and was scared. Again, kinda fishy, was kind of reluctant, but again i said Ok... We get upstairs and i tell her to go sit in the living room( i didnt want her in my room, didnt want her to ge to comfy,lol). So i take out the garbage, come back, and she is laying ont he couch (getting comfy??) I say "alright im done letss go". She sits up and says. "ok you should give me a tour"...(like i havent heard that one a million times on TV). Already ahead of the game, i say "ok", I walk halfway down the hall and stand in front of the second bathroom turning in a circle pointing out each room. Then i say "ok lets go" AS I turn around and start walking to the door, I hear her say "o youre a clean freak just like your mom".. I turn around and shes in my room look around and stuff( ok girl, what are you doing?!) So i walk in and advise that we leave... She ignored me... Then fast forward a bit, she starts kissing me, and touching me, and in the back of my mind I see Kevin "David, leave that alone, she fucked bryson".. So then she starts reaching down and sliding down my torso, trying to give me head... (yup that was a no no, i like my penis, id rather keep it ). Thats when i tell her to grab her stuff and we go to school. On the way, she tells me, not to say anything to anyone because she doesnt want people tiniking that shes a hoe(but you are???).. I agree because i really didnt need You to find out, You already didnt trusted me, i didnt want you to have a real reason not to do so... But somehow it got out, and now im going to tell you what really happened. I know you heard something, and she told you something, but she really will say anything to cover her ass. And nobody else can really say what happened becausee they werent there. And now I really dont have anything to lose.

OK next in line is Bridgette, how can i talk about the asian girl without talking about her "best friend". Bridgette and I are just friends, i dont care what people say. I dont care what you see. Looks can be deceiving. I can guarentee that you havent heard Bridgette ever say that we are anything more than friends, because its not like that. I mean, she said that she had a crush on me back in drammar school, but im pretty sure thats faded. Not only that, she has a boyfriend, long time boyfriend. Who am i to come between that. If she didnt have a boyfriend would I be singing a different song now? I doubt it... Kevin gave me the heads up on her, ive learned to just listen to him and trust his judgement on girls so thats dead. Besides, i woudnt get serious with her anyway because she is waaaayy to much like me, in all the WRONG ways! Im ok with that. And no I have no intentions on spending my weekend with her, actually i want to spend it with the guys. I dont know why you think i spend every minute of my free time with her! lol

Im actualy feeling better telling you all this stuff, this is good... So next on the agenda..

You were the only person that ive ever loved. My first and only true love. When someone told me to look at my life and see whats real and whats not in my life, you were only girl that i could say was the real deal. A couple days ago I was sitting in the car with my hat over my face.. And Brandon randomly just sat up and said "you loved the hell out of that girl, but never showed it, you said you did, but I couldnt really tell until it was all over"...This hit me...One of my best friends just really told me off. Im over trying to make excuses for my actions and he just cuts me off and says "why are you bullshitting!?" Then he said "and you know shes right, You may not be talking to bridgette but you do treat her better than youve ever treated Jade"... Agsin.. trying to make excuses .. He cuts me off and say "man you take that girl everywhere! You took jade to your house, and you went out with her a few times, but you were always in a group, when did you ever spend some one on one time with her outside your house?".... Now that I think about it, I really didnt.... Which sucks, he was right...And It took all of this to happen for me to realize how really bad of a boyfriend I was.... BUt like, sitting there, Im over here blaming Sara for everythign that was happening in my life but again, he cut me off "yeah sara snaked you, but its your dirt, you did it!" I mean, i would expect this kind of thing from Menelik, but Brandon really put me out there,brought everything to the light. And for the most part, he was right... I love you to death, but I guess i didnt alway show it, and i guess I do treat my friends better than I did you. Im soooo Sorry. I was wrong, and I can see that.

You gave me your heart and virginity. and I "didnt deserve either"// Ouch..I guess i deserved that though. Im Sorry. And if you could go back to October 24th you would change you answer. Double ouch. Yeah i deserve that too. But honestly, if i could go back, i wouldn't. Well that depends on if I could go back and still know what i know now.

The things that happened, i honestly was thinking of you by not telling you. I didnt want to hurt you. But i later realized that i was doing more damage by not telling you for myself, and letting you hear it from someone else. And again, you have never been replaced, no one ever will. But i know now that i must move on for sure because, youre really gone with the wind now. And there's no coming back.

And menelik couldnt have said it better when he said that "a pussy isnt just a pussy, and if youve had one youve experienced them all" And i never used you for what you gave me. Despite common belief you really do mean alot to me, I just didnt show it very well. And for that, i hope you find better. And probably anything other than me is an upgrade so hey...

Im about to leave, but ill finish this soon..






To Bridgett.. Bridgette... Amelia.. Whatever you want to be today!


Over the past few weeks we have become super cool. Very good friends I'd say.Lol. Youve been to my house, we chilled, you talked to my sister, looked back at all the elementary memories. You were brave enough to sit through one of her extremely long stories about nothing. I still don't know how you did it. I've been to your house, hung out with your little brother. Those countless times I'd come over and we'd just sit outside your house and talk for hours about everything. And you sat there and listened to me talk about her forever. Sorry about that again...Lol.And Honestly I think you're a bad luck passenger. Always playing! I got pulled over with you in the car(ok no ticket that time). Then down the street i inch past the line and get a caught by the traffic cam!! (thanks alot, I didnt even run the light!!,lol). Then the "Cadillac".

Remember this:

Me:(throwing nuts at you)
You: You need to stop!
Me: (i get in your face) Or what??
You:(you punch me)
Me: Mother!! Bridgette just hit your only son!
You: Ms. Harris!!! Your only son wrecked your car!!

HAHAHAHA!

But Seriously...

Wednesday we had one of these talks. I mentioned the fact that in our Friendship, there were 3 rules, 1 suggestion, and 2 pieces of advice. One piece of advice was "Be careful". When I said this, you looked at me and said "Don't say that, I hate when people tell me that, it scares me". I told you that "its alright",and "you're good, i promise". But then I told you that eventually, everyone has to wake up and figure out whats real and whats not. After that, you said very few words, and just listened to me ramble. In addition to wondering what I was talking about, you were wondering why i told you to be careful and figure out whats real.

But im going to tell you...And Remember when i told you that Jade and I were really done forever now, and I didn't want to really talk about it.. Here's whats up...

Alot of people are extremely jealous of you. Youre cute, Funny, Well Dressed, and on the surface it looks like you have an almost perfect life. A fairy tale as you want to call it. But honestly, people really hate you. And then there are some people who just keep you around so that they know everything about you. Hate to burst your bubble. But someone like that.. Would be Sara... Actually, shes probably the most jealous of all.

Why you ask? Well not long ago, Sara was originally interested in me, we exchanged some words and according to her I was "trying to get with her". But NOT AT ALL heres what really happened....

One day I didnt go to school, that was one of my "Personal Days" lol. But coincidently she didnt either. And we agreed to go do something, instead of us both spending the day on the house. I was sort of reluctant to do it, because Kevin had already told me not to mess with her because of her past, (mistake number 1!! I didnt listen to kevin when he gave me advice about a girl!) But I agreed anyway, not thinking. But I got up, threw some clothes on and went to get her(yeah, so when we took her home a few weeks ago, this is how i knew exactly where she lived. You asked, and I said "She told me", but you never asked when, and I never told.)but anywho, we decided that we'd go grab some starbucks, or catch a movie. But after picking her up, I forgot that I had to take out the garbage before my mom got home. So I stopped there. When puling up in front of my house, i told her that im just going to run up, take the trash out, then ill be right back. But she insisted that she come up with me, becasue she didnt like the neighborhood and was scared. Again, kinda fishy, was kind of reluctant, but again i said Ok... We get upstairs and i tell her to go sit in the living room( i didnt want her in my room, didnt want her to ge to comfy,lol). So i take out the garbage, come back, and she is laying ont he couch (getting comfy??) I say "alright im done letss go". She sits up and says. "ok you should give me a tour"...(like i havent heard that one a million times on TV). Already ahead of the game, i say "ok", I walk halfway down the hall and stand in front of the second bathroom turning in a circle pointing out each room. Then i say "ok lets go" AS I turn around and start walking to the door, I hear her say "o youre a clean freak just like your mom".. I turn around and shes in my room look around and stuff( ok girl, what are you doing?!) So i walk in and advise that we leave... She ignored me... Then fast forward a bit, she starts kissing me, and touching me, and in the back of my mind I see Kevin "David, leave that alone, she fucked bryson".. So then she starts reaching down and sliding down my torso, trying to give me head... (yup that was a no no, i like my penis, id rather keep it ). Thats when i tell her to grab her stuff and we go to school. On the way, she tells me, not to say anything to anyone because she doesnt want people tiniking that shes a hoe(but you are???).. I agree because i really didnt need Jade to find out, she already barely trusted me, i didnt watn ehr to have a real reason not to do so...
Later that day, we talk, and I tell her that what happened will never happen again,and we're both going to put it behind us, go on with our lives, and act like it never happened.

But after that,maybe 2 weeks later, you and I hit it off and became really cool. Ill even admit that sometimes it looks like we are dating and even though we tell everyone that we're just friends, people see differently. Including a couple of my friends, Jade, and your little "friend" Sara.

That day we took her home, you went into Mcdonalds, and Sara and I sat in the car. As soon as you went into McDonalds, Sara start yelling at me, saying that I had "tried to play her like a hoe, I tried to get with her, so that I could talk to you" (what girl?? 1. I didnt try to get with you, i think you forgot that i told you to get away from me. 2. Your friend and I are just friends nothing more. 3. You are a hoe, so if i had tried t play you like a hoe, id be well within my rights. Correct? Of Course!) Before you opened the car door, she told me that I was "Playing with fire, and I dont know who im messing with, she said that she "wasnt sure what was going on, but she doesnt want to be apart of it"... Im assuming she was pretty hurt becasue what she thought was going on, was alot different than her reality.

But idk, somehow, Jade found out what had happened. And now she REALLY hates my life. I felt like we were becoming cool again, like a friend. Like you and I, but now i know for sure that it will never be like that. Ive spent everyday since then trying to figure out how to tell her, and apoligize and stuff... and Ive still yet to figure it out.

As a matter of fact, she told me not to tell you either or she'd tell jade. Ok.. But thursday she called me looking for you. You werent with me, but i told her that once Jade got hurt,and shed her tears, "she lost all her bargaining chips, and nothing else matters now, her words carry no weight", and i told her that i'd tell you. Then I told her to have a nice day and hung up. She then proceeded to send me 10 page text pleading for me to keep you out of it.. But I dont think so... For a while, i was debating on if I was going to do it or not, but yeah!! I am!

And when I told you to be careful and figure out whats real and whats not, I was mostly referring to those who are close to you, and the people that you think have your best interest at heart. Really dont...









Friday, February 12, 2010

Know your worth.. Im not quite sure if this is real or not, but it is Hilarious!









Success is a choice...


The myth of futility leads to internal depression in the face of external, economic depressions. It makes us feel like since there’s nothing we can do to influence the economy, then we’re just doomed to suffer along with everyone else.

The reality is that while national economic forces do impact you, you still have control over your prosperity. It’s a myth that the Great Depression was a time of suffering for all Americans; for many it was a time of great prosperity. James Gregory, Associate Professor of History at the University of Washington, says that, “[During the Depression] about a third of the population suffered unemployment and difficulty. About a third of the population maintained their standard of living, and another third of the population did better in the course of the 1930’s than they had done before.”

The question is which third will you be in during the current economic downturn? Will you wallow in poverty, thinking that you have little control, will you simply maintain your current standard of living, or will you seize the opportunity to prosper?

via www.briantracey.com





To Jade.... I know you told me to keep it, but I have to...


Coming Soon...





Monday, February 8, 2010

I want to be nobody....


“Who is wise? He that learns from everyone. Who is powerful? He that governs his passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.”

- Benjamin Franklin





Sunday, February 7, 2010

Note to Self








Saturday, February 6, 2010

So you can cry...



So baby... You can cry. If i stood where you are,thinking like youre thinking, i would too. But im here to tell you, I wont attend this party.. Especially since youre falling into their category! Youre looking from the outside in lol... Here... Ill let you in, ill tell you how it really is, and feel free to ask any questions, or if you need me to elaborate or explain something.
Well i know that i dont really have to explain or tell you anything about anything. But because I feel the way I do about you... I will..

Her and I, just friends I promise. Yeah thats my errand buddy. Actually i didnt come up with the term until yesterday. And how she became such is a actual funny story. She called me crying one day.And thanks to you, Im sucker for tears. So it was late, but still, I told her to roll around with me while I do some things. Its not like she had any better options,so she agreed. So i drove around, did what i had to do, we talked. I took her home, that was it. Then yeah,another day, had something to do.. "Bridgette, come run some errands with me", luckily shes never really doing anything, so she agrees,and just rolls. But of course making her little sarcastic comments, hinting that she is ready to go. (much like you,lol).

And yesterday, yeah, I was with her for most of the day. But its not like it seemed. We didnt skip school to hang with each other. lol. Actually, she was sick, and deceided to stay home, and I was just lazy and not feeling school. She called me late that morning and asked if I could go get some homework for her, but I told her I wasnt at school, and I asked why she didnt come, and what she was going to do instead, She said that she was about to go shopping. So to calm all curiosities thats what we did. We werent at each others houses, doing anything that those that are together do. We did what friends do, we went shopping, grabbed a bite to eat, and I took her to school. And we paid for our own meals, not a date. Not even close.

And YOu never called me saying that you were bored, or asked me to do much of anything, because you thought that I was the spawn of the devil and would say NO to everything. lol. No im a really nice person, i would not.

And im always pretty much on cloud 9, but i really didnt get that extra elevation until I began texting you. I dont know why...lol, It just felt good. I mean, even thought something was bothering you, and i knew it, you just made me happy. Surprise!! In fact, you could always give me the extra elevation I needed to get through the day.

And again, nothing is happening between us. Ive actually known her since elementary school, i just never talked to her,until she asked me that random question. then i actually start noticing her. But still, we are just friends, and people always ask if we are talking, or about to get together, and we always laugh and tell them No. because honestly, we arent. We have no intentions on moving out of the friend zone.

Actually, the friend zone is actually a big JADE wall! And only I can take it down, but I dont want to .. I dont want to be hung up on you forever, especially since youre probably trying to move on. But im not really ready to braek down the wall yet. Im not ready to let anyone else in. I told you before, that your spot isnt going anywhere, forever, that spots yours. I promise. Althought youre probably working on your next chapter, I just keep re reading the last page, I dont want to turn the page. MY problem i know, lol. But hey... I cant expect you to feel like I do.

And dont forget that I came to your fashion show too(and plays, and concerts, and anything else you asked me to attend, except that one play!! sorry!!) I do believe in supporting people.






Where Have All the Criminals Gone?


Research showed a link between the legalization of abortion in the United States in 1973 and the drop in violent crime in the 1990’s. The author’s research suggests that the drop in violent crime in the United States occurred at the same time that the first wave of babies conceived after the legalization of abortion were entering late adolescence. The author claims that many of the additional children who would have been born annually if abortion had remained illegal would have been at high risk for engaging in violent crime. The authors do not take an ideological stance on the issue, however, they do conclude that women with the right to choose abortion tend to make good decisions.

In a nut shell I learned that the nationwide legalization of abortion in 1973 contributed to the decrease in violent crime as unwanted kids who would go on to be future criminals were preemptively terminated. TRUE: Mothers who opt for abortions are typically poor, uneducated, have serious problems, and are ill-suited for parenting. Mothers of this type raise disproportionately high numbers of criminal children. Allowing them access to abortions therefore cuts the size of the criminal population, though it takes about 18 years for this to be felt by the rest of society since children raised in bad homes don’t start committing crimes until around that age. European and Asian countries, the Antipodes, and individual American states that legalized abortion before Roe v. Wade all experienced the exact same violent crime reduction starting about 20 years after the change. States with more abortions also have less crime. Legalized abortion caused 40% of the crime decrease.




A Perfect World.....


What does a perfect world look like? Im sure we all have different views of this. BUt for me.. A perfect world would be...
A world where everyone minded there own business. haha, that'd be nice right? A perfect world would be one with no tabloids, people got a life... A perfect world would be one in which people didnt ask dumb questions. (yeah there is definitely a such thing as a dumb question).

A had a great day yesterday. I didnt attend school, coincidentally I wasnt the only one. So i hung out, ran some errands, had a few laughs... But then i got to school, and things went downhill.. Not only was the auditorium empty, my entertainment for the night was babysitting, and the other one had to leave, so i was forced to sit with him.

Now yeah the first two hours of the fashion show was terrible for me, not only because it was... just a terrible show, but I had this dude in me ear all the whole time pointing everytime this girl walked on the stage,"Come on now dude, im looking at the same show youre looking at, please calm down, besides, we are JUST COOL".

Then we have these others, sayign "o my god, David came to something!".. Yeah, sorry that i dont indulge myself in all of kenwoods weak events.Then they say "what made you come out?" Well i came because i promised multiple people that I would, and I dont make promises. Then this guy "Keep watching the show, youll see why he's here!".. I mean, yeah I did tell Bridgette that i'd be there. But i also promised Decarri that i would come and purchase a ticket, Which I regeret, lol, but I promised. lol.

But again. This girl was in every scene. Ad every scene i had to hear "There she goes!" "hey David isnt that your grilfriend?" Nooooo, leave me alone! There is nothing going on between us! Honestly, i cant seem to get the ex girlfriend out my head. Mainly why i refuse to make any further progress with anyone, Im becoming a pro at sending people off! lol. NO one will replace her. The guy that say that all girls are the same. Liar! She 's different... Too bad she hates my life... but I mean, she is 1 the 3 people that actually have a reason to hate me!

But in a perfect world... I am left alone....




Friday, February 5, 2010

Why Do Drug Dealers Still Live with Their Moms?


This is actually my favorite chapter. It challenges the common belief that all drug dealers are rich, and proves it incorrect. The author uses the research from sociologist Sudhir Venkatesh. Venkatesh conducted field studies in Chicago which granted him access to the inner workings of gangs, including financial information.

The author compares the organizational structure of the gang to McDonalds. He explains how very few executives and upper level managers prosper from the work of 1000’s of minimum wage or low wage workers. He even found that most street drug dealers made less than minimum wage.
“Experts” are often wrong and will commonly lie or exaggerate to support their claims. For instance, advocates for the homeless had recently said that there are 3 million homeless in America when more reputable estimates have put the number far lower. Feminists will often also cite claims that 1/3 of all women will be raped (or perhaps face attempted rape) in their lifetimes, when in fact the real proportion is 1/8.

The image of the wealthy, heavily armed drug dealer is yet another myth created by antidrug advocates with their own agendas.

At MIT, Levitt met with an Indian sociology grad student who had “joined” an inner-city drug gang for the purposes of studying them and who had taken several years’ worth of their financial data (the gang actually kept ledgers).
It was found that all of the drug operations in the city [which was either Detroit or Chicago] were controlled by a 20-man central command full of wealthy, older drug lords. They sold geographical “franchise rights” to different gangs, whereby the gangs were given permission to sell drugs (supplied by the central command) in different, nonoverlapping areas. The gang that Levitt examined was headed by a single leader, who was a highly intelligent yet brutal man in his 20’s or 30’s. He was directly assisted by three officers—a treasurer, an enforcer, and a runner. Below them were 75 low-level drug dealers who sold drugs on the streets. The gang operated in a 12-square-block area and was larger than most of the city’s other gangs. Everyone in this gang was black. The gang also dabbled in selling other drugs that were not supplied by the big bosses, and the gang also made money by charging local people and businesses “protection taxes.”

Whenever there was gang-related violence, it almost always occurred either because two rival gangs were fighting over territory and hence profits, or because one gang member had broken internal rules and was subjected to corporal punishment by enforcers.

Annual salaries:
-Members of the central command - $500,000
-Gang leader - $120,000
-Gang officers - $35,000
-Drug dealers - $15,000

Drug dealing is not very profitable for the vast majority of the people within a gang. In this way, such a gang is similar to a legitimate business.
Drug dealers also repeatedly approached the Indian grad student to ask if he could get them “a good job” as a janitor or low-level worker at an institution like a college. Unhappiness with low drug dealing incomes is pervasive, and many quickly figure out that the job isn’t worth it for other reasons as well. Most drug dealers had legitimate side jobs to supplement their meager drug dealing incomes.The gang maintained public support by paying stipends to the families of slain members and by occasionally throwing free block parties.

Inner-city boys join drug gangs because gangsters and drug dealers are the only “successful” people in their neighborhoods: Without good black male role models, criminals are emulated.

Drug dealers have terrible work conditions, having to work outside in spite of bad weather or temperature extremes, facing beatings from fellow gang members as punishment for breaking rules, typically being arrested for drug dealing or related crimes twice yearly, and suffering a 6.25% yearly murder rate.

Drug gangs forbid their own dealers from using the drugs. Crack was invented in the 1970’s as a more potent form of cocaine. Contrary to popular belief, crack is not hard to make: Cocaine, water, and baking soda are mixed and then boiled until the excess fluid evaporates and the precipitated crystals make a “cracking” sound. (Hence the name of the drug) [Crack is something that, very conceivably, could have been first created in a slipshod drug lab. Its synthesis is not so complex or counterintuitive that only the government could have developed it.]

The invention of crack unfortunately coincided with a huge increase in Columbian cocaine production and with the formation of the Colombia-U.S. coke pipeline.
Oscar Danilo Blandon Reyes was a Nicaraguan official in the Somoza regime. After Somoza was overthrown and the pro-Soviet Sandinistas took over, Blandon fled to the U.S. where he worked as a private fundraiser for the pro-U.S. Contras. Around this same time, he also functioned as a key intermediary between the major American drug gangs and the Colombian drug lords. Blandon was the one man most responsible for the creation of the cocaine pipeline, and by extension, for the instigation of the urban crack epidemic that began around 1980 and which ravaged black communities.

Though Blandon was arrested on drug charges in 1986 and convicted of major drug crimes in 1992, he was paroled from jail after apparently making a deal with the DEA. Blandon publicly claimed that the CIA supported him because it needed his help funding the Nicaraguan civil war. This started the urban myth that the CIA created crack to kill off black people. While it is highly unlikely that anyone but cocaine dealers created crack, it is clear that the U.S. government did overlook Blandon’s cocaine dealing operations to a great extent because they needed him as an ally against the Nicaraguan government.

In the 1960’s and 70’s, America reached its zenith of liberalism, with light sentencing for crimes and the criminal rights movement. Criminals were not being adequately punished and were not being put in jail. This largely explains the huge spike in violent crime that began in this period.

In the 1980’s, the pendulum went in the other direction, and tougher sentencing guidelines were imposed. However, the effect was masked by the crack boom, which made the cities even more violent despite stronger law enforcement.

Crack is itself, very pure cocaine. Therefore, only a small amount of cocaine is needed to make many doses of crack, making crack a cheap yet potent drug. This made it affordable among poor people, especially blacks.
In the 1980’s, black drug gangs cut out the mafia middlemen and, with the help of people like Blandon, began buying huge quantities of cocaine direct from Colombia. The coke was then processed into crack.

Around the same time, huge numbers of urban jobs were lost as factories shut down [due to the recessions of the 1970’s and 80’s], putting many black men out of work. Some among them turned to crack dealing for money.

While street gangs had existed in America since the 1800’s, it had been impossible to remain in a gang beyond age 30 until the advent of crack, which made gangs profitable enterprises that could support their members indefinitely.
From 1945 until the crack boom, blacks were steadily narrowing the gap with whites in terms of health, education, and income. After crack was introduced, the process reversed and much ground was lost.

Crack is a main cause of the disintegration of the black family, which had previously been a source of strength and morals.
Crack was the single worst thing for black America since Jim Crow laws.