Im good. I wanted to hear it out of your mouth. You told me... Months later. But whos counting. But i won the bet. I rarely lose a bet when money is on the line anyway. It motivates me...But seriously... lets be honest for a minute...
This event is more like karma coming back to me. So i cant be mad. I dont really get mad anymore anyway. But i can say that Im disappointed. I knew it was happening in my head. But i expected more from both of them. It was dirty but i ve done something similar before too. I kissed this girl. Who was the ex girlfriend of a close friend. But After wards the next day.. Her and i sat in the car and looked eachother in the eye and just squashed it. And me and my guy are still cool to this day. Will i evr tell him. Maybe not. But luckily the feelings were so short lived, he didnt even suspect it. So.. theres karma.
But who believes in that crap. Not karma, just coincidence. 4 dirty people. who all did the same thing.
I mean, like i said, i wrote you off as one of my friends a long time ago. I knew that you weren't mine. I dont think friends do stuff like tis to other friends. Ahha! Youre a really close associate. I know that whenever we were together. I was phony kicking it. Honestly,after this past summer... I was hoping that i never had to see you again. I couldn't .So yeah, eventually when you wanted to hang out. I always wanted to say no, but i figured that you'd expect me to do that. So i tried to always say yes.... Although often times i felt like i should be doing other things. or being with other people. So i tried to go to sleep so i wouldnt have to look at you.
But i cant even front,menelik. you taught me alot of things. You put me on to alot of different things. Honestly, I always thought that i needed you to do the business plan competitions and compete. I mean, i knew that none of you all could write a business plan like me. But i never thought i was good at presenting them, and verbalizing my thoughts. But thanks to you forcing me to go to new york. I realized that im just as good.Probably better. You were a great motivational speaker. You can bullshit your ass off. Its crazy how a girl can believe the same bullshit from two different people. You were the first person to tell me that "any guy can get any girl, you just have to say thew right things", very true.. my game hasn't been the same since. Ive gone after girls i wouldn't have even considered before. No boundaries. Girls that i use to day dream about, are the same girls calling me everyday. You created the monster that kevin is today. You helped me understand that perception is reality. It confirmed what my Big brother dre told me before. Once you control what a person is thinking, you can make them do whatever you want. I dont even think that i want to drop you as a friend. Like... honestly, i shake my head at jade. But im laughing at the thought of you doing it. Thats crazy. Lets make a toast to the douche bags. make a toast to the assholes... But ill give everyone a tip. Runaway fast as you can.
So while we were on the phone, you said "ill skip over the CHAPTER about me" and you were serious! Girl youre not getting a whole chapter stop playing.I guess you could if the chapter was a page or two. No doubt you had an effect on my life. I mean, my name was associated with yours for years. But i never thought we would last forever. If i said it, it was in the moment. If i really sat down and thought about what i was saying. I wouldnt have said it.... Who am i telling.. like Menelik taught me.. sometimes you have to lie... By the end of this post. telling you the truth. I wont even really be mad anymore. The truth shall set me free. I am really mean though. people told me that, and i knew it, but i always denied it. But i need to let the soundtrack of my life play out. And let all the issues, thoughts and feelings come pouring out in this post. It honestly takes alot to effect or "hurt" me. But congrats. that confirmation really shook me.
Girls always think i care about their problems, probably anohter perception that became their reality. But when girls would tell me that their boyfriend was messing with a friend of theirs and i always though it was dumb to be mad at the guy versus your friend. But looking from the inside out. I understand. Like.. im honestly, not really mad at menelik. Hoenstly.. he probably had more of a long term impact on me than she did. He taught me lessons that im going to take to my grave. But you jade.. im really trying to figure out what impact you had on me that im going to take through my life. You were my first love. I could never forget that. So lucky for you , i will not forget about you. But you wont be in my dreams sorry im not even goign to lie and say you will. Too bad im not dirty enough to put all my learning checks online. lol. that'd be funny.
So im readign your text, a long message it was.. At the end you make a statement. It reminds me of this girl i met here at UIC. Her boyfriend keeps trying to get back with her. And shes not going. So he was like "youll never find anyone else like me!" adn she replies.. "Damn, i sure hope not".. lol. So you say that you hope i dont find anyone else like you and I say exactly what she says " Damn, i sure hope not"
Honestly i got played. Its only happened one other time. But that girl was GOOD. Her game was tight. i had met my match. And because she was so good. It was cool, and i accepted it. We are actually really good friends now. But when someone that is way inferior to my skills, plays me. I take it personally! You sat in my face on more than one occasion, you lied on my bed, ate my food,lol. I didnt even do that. even given the opportunity. Nope, still not even going to tell you which one of your friends,lol. Actually it another thing Menelik taught me. Controlling your penis. I was able to not pounce on this girl even though it was obvious i could have. Who would have known!
Also while reading your text i got to the spot where it says "i actually cried the second time we kissed"...But i think you meant something like this. "i actually cried the second time we kissed, but it got easier over time" lol.
I still love you.Crazy as it may sound. Ive been trying not to but its actually hard. Love can kick rocks.
"youll never really know how much i cared/care about you" lol.Really? Seriously? Thats some crap id pull out my ass when im up against a wall. But hey! you really dont have to lose me. You follow me on twitter. And you're my Facebook friend. And as you can see i still update my blog. But i hear that im really good at being phony, so anyway you contact me is fine.
Well its my off day. Cant spend the whole day blogging about you guys.
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